Can i not drive my cunt home
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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