oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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