So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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