I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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