Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
