Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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