I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
