If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
