i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
