Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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