Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
