you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Randomize
