And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
