No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
