I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
