Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
