Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
