I just made out with a guy for $7.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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