I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
