I must be too annoying 4 u.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
