It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
