I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
