Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
