mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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