Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
