Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
