Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
