My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
