I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize