Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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