i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
