"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
