everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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