i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
