am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
