ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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