he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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