Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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