My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
