I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
