Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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