i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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