Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
