i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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