i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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