New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
