If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
