Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
