All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
