i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
