Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
