WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
