I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
