SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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