Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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